Any good parent understands that their decisions, big and small, affect their children.
Most of the time, or so I'd like to think, the consequences of my decisions are immediately and plainly apparent making my decision making process easier: a simple cost v. benefit analysis.
The older I get the more I understand just how deeply rooted the effects of my decisions are on my daughter. This realization can be a haunting reminder of adulthood, parenthood, and selflessness.
Every parent silently carries an invisible 500 ton burden 24 hours day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year. It isn't a burden you can take off at night when you go to bed. Quite the opposite- late at night when the world is silent is when it rears its ugly head and has you questioning every decision you've ever made.
When I decided to go to law school, I had all the typical pre-law student concerns: loans, scholarships, time management, LSAT, law school ranking, employment in a bad economy, etc. But when a parent decides to go to law school, their invisible burden drowns out the typical concerns and simply asks: "How will this drastic change affect my child?"
Determined to find the right answer, I prayed, sought out advice, read books and articles, and talked to every law student and attorney I could find. For me, the benefit far outweighed the cost.
My invisible burden, we'll call her Norma, has an insatiable hunger and my research and care in answering her question didn't shut her up. She kept whispering, "Are you sure?", "Can your daughter cope?", and "Are you sacrificing your relationship with her for your education?"
Shocked and outright livid at Norma's taunting, I decided to gag her and move forward with the plan. Little did I know, Norma wasn't having it. She retaliated by turning up the heat and as I struggled through 1L year, her questions got louder and her doubt more convincing.
Thankfully, my daughter and I made it through that year alive. We still love each other. We have no broken bones. She isn't selling drugs. I haven't put her up for adoption. Truthfully, the hard times we encountered brought us closer together and taught us both some valuable lessons about family, trust, teamwork, and patience.
I wanted to share our experience in hopes that it may be encouragement for parents considering law school and dealing with their own "Norma."
In all fairness, don't take my word for it! Take the word of the children who are living through law school right now.
My 11 year old's perspective:
DISCLAIMER: She is a typical "tween" and was quite frustrated at the idea of helping me. *sigh*
Q. What do attorneys do all day?
A. "They work hard and sue people."
Q. Do you think your mom will be a good attorney?
A. "No because I think she sometimes puts off her homework and yes because she studies alot instead of playing with me."
Q. What is law school like?
A. "It's hard."
Q. What do you think your mom does all day?
A. "She works hard and study, study, study."
Q. What is the best part about your mom being in law school?
A. "She'll make money when she becomes one."
Q. What is the worst part?
A. "I had to move away from my friends."
Q. What do you think life will be like after your mom graduates?
A. "I'll be rich!"
Q. How has your life changed since your mom started law school?
A. "She doesn't hang out with me as much."
Q. Do you want to go to law school?
A. "NO!!!! Because it's really hard work."
Q. What advice would you give other children whose parents are about to go to law school?
A. "Good Luck! I really don't have any advice."
Q. What advice would you give their parents?
A. "DON'T GO!"
As you can see she's not COMPLETELY warped and she still has a chance at being a contributing member of society.
A 6 year old's perspective:
Lydia's dad is a full-time law student graduating this May
Q. What do attorneys do all day?
A. "Wait a minute. Pause! I'm only in first grade. I don't even know what attorneys are!"
Q. Do you think your dad will be a good lawyer?
A. "Yes because he's great at law school and I'm sure he'll be great at being a lawyer!"
Q. What is law school like?
A. "I've only been once. You learn lost of fantastic stuff. So you have to stay in there for, like, 6 hours, but you enjoy it. You just enjoy it!"
Q. What do you think your dad does all day?
A. "He, like, does work. He gets dressed and brushes his teeth and stuff. He goes to school and then he comes back and it's family time!"
Q. What is the best part about your dad being in law school?
A. "Well he learns a lot and whenever he graduates he's gonna start a new life for us and that's what it's all about for us."
Q. What is the worst part?
A. " You don't get to see your family a lot. The only time you get to see your dad is at supper time, but tonight we are gonna have lots of family time cuz it's MOVIE NIGHT! There can be bad parts like you have to get in detention."
Q. Do they have detention in law school?
A. "Well nobody knows unless they go to law school."
Q. What do you think life will be like after your dad graduates?
A. "RICH! I'll have tons of toys, Emma [her sister] will have tons of toys, Luke [her brother] will have tons of toys, Mommy will probably have TONS of jewelry and Daddy will have tons of stuff too!"
Q. How has your life changed since your dad started law school?
A. "Well I can't really remember back then cuz that was, I would think, [I was] like 3 or 4 years [old]."
Q. Do you want to go to law school?
A. "Well it starts a new life for my family, so YES! But I don't really know cuz I'm a child."
Q. What advice would you give other children whose parents are about to go to law school?
A. "That you are gonna have the richest life when they graduate."
Q. What advice would you give their parents?
A. "That you are really lucky to go to law school."
Q. What have you learned from your dad about law school?
A. "The kids can't get rowdy and have to be quiet and sit still [when they go to class with dad]."
